She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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