Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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