life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
