STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize