took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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