I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
