Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
