Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
