My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
