if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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