he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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