he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
