he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
