Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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