Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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