thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
