fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
