yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
