It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
