I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
