I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
