Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
