WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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