i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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