Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
