So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Success! We fucked roommates!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
