well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
