Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
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She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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