Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
