The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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