His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Drunk is not a location!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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