zippers are such a cool invention
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
