I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I pour the whiskey from now on
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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