im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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