Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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