they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
