He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
