I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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