Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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