There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
