when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
