they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
