dude i'm inner monologue high
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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