Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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