Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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