i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
