i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
