I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize