is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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