Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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