States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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