I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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