i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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