stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
