are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
