hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize