i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
