Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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