cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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