i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
