u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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