she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
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Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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