like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
