I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
