since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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