ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
